The Red Leather Sofa is Dead...RIP

The Red Leather Sofa is Dead.

And my Mom has cried so hard about it over the last few days that it’s almost time for her to hold her Puffy Eyelids off her eyes with Duct Tape. Maybe Gorilla Glue. Otherwise she is going to start Walking into Walls and Stuff.

It's my job to Cheer my Mom up when she is Sad. So I sit with my Mom and I lean on her legs. Sometimes I lick her hand. Mostly, though? I just sit with her. I also have this little trick I do which always makes my Mom smile: I do my “Over-Enthusiastic Mad Puppy Jump.”

When I do this I jump my front legs up and down as stiff as stiff as can be – so it makes me bounce. Also important when doing this trick, is to make sure my tongue hangs out so it can flop up and down through my Wide-Open-Gaping-White-Fanged-Maw. If I could cross my eyes properly, I think I would do that, too. My trick did make my Mom smile, but not a whole lot because she has been weeping and wailing and gnashing her teeth over the Red Leather Sofa.

Most of you already know about that sofa. It’s the sofa I was Not Allowed To Sit On. Even when I Really Wanted to. And even though sometimes I just did. When I thought Dad wasn’t looking. I did that because one or other of The Bastards was always allowed to sit on it – and even Old Hairy-Butt got to go on it. But not me, Moyo. Unless it was a Sneaky Sitting.

That’s because that Red Leather Sofa was Mom’s pride and joy. She had always wanted a sofa that was red and also that was leather – and finally she got one when she and Dad lived in Tanzania, East Africa. Mom Really Fancied her Red Leather Sofa and she brought it with her when they moved back to South Africa – which is where I got to try to be sneaky about sitting on it.

So. Why has Mom been weeping over that sofa? It’s like this.

When Mom and Dad made the decision to come to Canada to wait out the approval of their permanent residence application (other stuff about all this can be read on my other stories) – they sold their beautiful home in Kloof and they sold almost All of their Stuff from inside that house.

Mom said It’s silly to even think of trying to find a way to get everything to Canada, Moyo – so we will get Rid of Stuff and keep one or two Very Special Things in a Storage place

I said Very Good Plan, Mom and I helped her when she was busy selling stuff before she moved out of our house. I got good at helping with that – I knew how to fetch the packing tape for my Mom when she had left it Somewhere All Over Again. I was also good at doing Mad-Puppy to make my Mom laugh whenever she got a bit teary over all that silly stuff she was letting go.

Mom said I know it’s a Damn-Silly Idea to want to keep this Red Leather Sofa, Moyo. But I Really Love it. And I would love to have some part of our home and life with us in Canada someday.

I did that Puppy Thing when she said that because I could hear her voice was full of SAD.

Smiling at me, Mom said I don’t know, Moyo. I don’t know just how I think I will ever get this Red Leather Sofa to Canada but I am going to try.

And she wrapped it in plastic and she put it into storage with a few things that were also special – like her Gran’s cutlery set and a little folding table her Grandpa had brought back from Egypt after the War and some of her art.

Then we all came to Canada.

You’ve read about our Epic Adventure here in Canada so far. So what about the Red Leather Sofa?

A few weeks ago, Mom and Dad had to concede that it is Totally Unlikely that they will ever be able to bring their stuff to Canada and so they decided to sell it. Mom asked her friend Lorraine if she would help – Mom and Lorraine have known one another since they were Young and Beautiful. (And since their bodies worked without complaining, too, says Mom!)

Mom and Lorraine worked out that the stuff Mom had left in storage could be sold and that some of that money could be sent to Canada and some of it could be given to Dad’s Very Old Parents. So Lorraine Got Busy.

Then yesterday? Lorraine sent Mom this message:

What had happened is this.

There was a Big Rain sometime last year. And that made Big Flooding which went right under the door of the place where Mom was storing that Red Leather Sofa and those few other Precious Things.

And the water went inside all that stuff and inside the Red Leather Sofa. And then it made those things get All Mouldy. And Rotten. And Seriously Stinky.

That's The End of them, then. And No Coming To Join us in Canada Some One Day. And that's when Mom started her Crying about that Red Leather Sofa. She did that even though she Knows its a Stupid-Arse Idea to Cry over STUFF. She did that even though she knows crying makes her eyes look like the North end of a South bound Hippopotamus. She has cried and cried over that Stupid Red Leather Sofa.

And even I got Sad. I'll never ever get to be BAD Girl, Moyo, WTF are you doing? Get OFF that Red Leather Sofa Again.

But as Mom said when she stopped with her crying: Efffphen dffis ssssfffhll pahhhsssfffs, Mnnooyo. Efffphen dffis!

But because I know my Mom, I was able to figure out what she was saying through her Crying-Blocked-Up-Nose.

She said Even this shall pass, Moyo. Even this!

RIP, Red Leather Sofa.

You were only a Piece of Furniture but you were Beautiful and Comfortable. And There Are LOTS of Excellent Memories steeped into your Smelly and Rotten Seats.

Here are some of The Best Red Leather Sofa Memories. There's Old Hairy Butt - look at her being a Scaredy-HairyButt about Other Cat sitting near her. There's Mom's Youngest Girl Just Before she went on an Icebreaker Ship from Cape Town to study the Antarctic. There's me. Moyo and JesusJones discussing Stuff. And me, Moyo having to wear the Stupid-Arse Tinfoil Christmas Hat. And Look! There's my Cecil. That's when I Shared my Cecil with my Mom when she had a Bad-Migraine Day - because I knew a Cecil would make her Feel Better.