Bears shit on roads, actually...and other stuff

So. You need to know that we are in a place called Chilliwack. And yes, it's another of those lovely town names we have come across on our Epic Adventure. Say it. Again. Chilliwack. Chilli. Wack. Smiling yet?

How did we get here? Well, Dad had always had it in mind that we should get here on account the weather in winter is a (tad!) kinder in this neck of the Canadian woods. And, boy! are there ever some woods in Canada. Brazillion Miles of Woods. Filled with stuff. And BEARS! Not that we have clocked a single bear yet - not in the ...umm.....fur, so to speak. Evidence of Bears, yes.

Like Big, Fat, Bear Paw Prints. And POO!

We need to talk about this.

(Mom says this is quite the most hysterical cartoon she has ever seen. Vase? Steve's Hat? Brilliant!! - and that sign on the wall? That says "Pope Enclosure" WTF is that even? Whatever it is, it's hysterical, too!)

And, me, Moyo? I'm here to inform you that Bears. Do. Not. Only. Poo. In. Hats. And. Vases. And Not Only In Woods, either.

They also poo on the road!

Me, Moyo. Excited about Bear Poo. On the road.

It's terrifically exciting to find bear poo on the road. And one of these days? I'm going to get to it Fast Enough to be able to Eat / Roll in It. before Mom and Dad can Stop Me.

It's Something I've not managed to get either of them to Fully Appreciate. Dogs Eat Poo. Dogs Roll In Poo. And I Am A Dog. Mom bellows at me about stuff like this. And Dad? Dad gets Faint. The other day? I went to the little gym on the farm where we are with Dad. I like to help him exercise. I lie and watch him. But that day he lasted precisely 3.2 seconds before he lurched out of there and took me to Mom. Mom, he said, Smell this dog. Smell her! And Mom, because Mom can be a Proper Idiot sometimes, did as she was told. She bent over, stuck her face right near my neck and SNIFFED. Yup. I stank. Properly. Proudly. But to hear Dad on the subject, you would think I had Murdered Someone. He was all Pale and Wan as he said he couldn't even exercise for the Stench coming of that dog. Which was me, Moyo.

He said You had better wash that dog, Mom.

Because this is the thing about Dad. He smells Poo at a thousand yards. And then he behaves as if he is the Only Person who Suffers because of the stink of it. He will parade around going I smell shit! I SMELL SHIT! I. Smell. Shit! as if he is the greatest detective in the whole entire universe. And then? When he locates the Offending Shit? He won't do Anything About removing it. On account It Stinks! Apparently, the fact that shit stinks means he can't clean it up. Evidently, he suffers the misapprehension that a) he is The Only Person In The Whole Entire Universe who smells shit and b) discovers it stinks and therefore, c) simply cannot do something about it and so, d) Mom has to, because e) Dad believes a) and b) and c) apply only to him - ergo d) has to happen to appease his Offended Sensibilities.

On the subject of me, Moyo and liking to eat / roll in poo - here are two pages from the new picture book Mom is making for me. (It's called I Can Eat This - and it's about going to a walk with me, Moyo.)

So. Anyway. About Bear Poo. On the road. We go for walks around the farm where we are boondocking with the Noahbago at the moment - and sometimes we find Bear Paw Prints in the Soft Sand, and Sometimes, the Best of Times, we find actual Bear Poo.

Mom wants to know What. Exactly, we are Going To Do if we happen to Find a Bear. Dad said, when she asked him this: Just make sure I run faster than you, dear... because Dad thinks he is HYSTERICAL! Mom thinks he is Just an Arsehole, even if she Actually Does Love him.

We also find the following:

* Coyote Poo

*Canadian Cobra Bird Poo

If you don't know what a Cobra Bird is, you are Lucky. These are The Single Most Dangerous Creatures in Canada. In fact? They are Distinctly UN-Canadian, really. In that they are:

*aggressive

*CONFRONTATIONAL

*completely UN-PC

*loud

*not at all concerned about invading other people's privacy. or space.

I mean, your Common or Garden Canadian is best reflected by this...

In point of fact, Mom and Dad drove through a Canadian PROTEST about two months ago. Happy, smiling, cheerful people WEARING MASKS stood quietly waving placards (something or other about something or other...Mom was too interested in the TONE of the protest to pay much attention to the CONTENT thereof.)

Mom wanted Dad to stop the vehicle and let her out. She said Someone needs to show these people HOW TO PROTEST and there's no-one quite like a SOUTH AFRICAN to give them some pointers.

Dad said I'm so not letting you out, dear.

Mom said she would burn some tyres and throw a few rocks and / or Molotov Cocktails if he didn't. Dad ignored her.

Luckily, the Canadian protest only had about seven people in it, so Dad was able to drive away from it in a nano-second. At speed. To stop Mom from leaping out and Schooling Them on Effective Protesting: The South African Art of.

And THIS best reflects a Canadian Cobra Bird:

How the Canadian Goose was Made

A Brief Discourse on the subject of Coyote

They scare the Crap out of Mom.

~end of discourse~

Mom's art about Coyote. She called it Full Moon Fulcrum / Shriek. And is sore impressed by her Grandson, The Bean. (aged FOUR!) When they came to visit in Chilliwack (bet you smiled!!) a few weeks ago, he stood in front of the painting, thought for a while and then said: I know what this is about. That's the Moon, Bibi (that's Mom. Bibi is Swahili for Grandmother. Babu is for grandfather. And the best part about that, is that when Bean was still little? He used to call Dad Booby... Mom said that makes him her Favourite Grandchild. Dad said WTF? Bean is your ONLY grandchild, Mom. (because, at the time he said that, he was. Now he has a little sister who is called Sass-on-two-legs a.k.a. Sprout)) and then he said: And I see how the moon is changing. It goes from full to crescent (he actually said that!) and when it is full the bad dogs come out and show their big teeth!

Smart kid.

Okay, so this is Enough Stuff for you to have read for one day. There is a Whole Lot More stuff Mom needs to Catch You Up ON - and she will. She says she has her Writing Fingers On now!