#CatsAreArseholes(InterMission Post 4)

So. Last night Cat annoyed me. He kept going on my new bed and wouldn’t get off. It was bad enough that SOMEONE put the laundry basket on it and I had to be all squashed up on it. And then Cat kept going on it, too. And he didn’t even care that he was putting his Cat Cooties ALL over MY NEW BED!

Then? This morning? He made Mom mad.

See, Dad always gives this Cat some yoghurt in the morning. And Dad says to Mom That Cat? He knows his yoghurts, Mom. He said Jones has preferences, Mom.

Dad left very early this morning to go into Chilliwack and so Mom had to be the one to listen to that Cat screaming for yoghurt. And Mom is not a Happy Morning Person in general and that Cat’s yoghurt screams were very demanding which gave Mom worse Morning Mutters than usual.

So she opened the fridge, got Strawberry yoghurt and gave that Cat a spoon of it. Cat sniffed it. He wrinkled his nose. And then he looked at Mom in horror and disgust and went Meeeeeeeeeooooooooooow!!!.

Mom glared at Cat and Cat screamed at her again. So I went to look at what was going on in the kitchen. I saw this. Cat screaming, Mom glaring AND a BIG dollop of pink yoghurt on the floor. So because Cat was being a pain, Mom got out another pot of Strawberry Yoghurt instead. She put a dollop of that in his bowl. And Cat promptly ate it.

But he wouldn’t eat the other dollop so Mom said JesusJones! Wtf? Yoghurt is bloody yoghurt, you little shit.

Evidently not, though.

Jesus Jones had a few licks of the preferred yoghurt and buggered off without even looking at Mom, so I helped. I ate the Rest of it AND the Ignored Yoghurt to help Mom. It was very good so I don’t know what Cat’s issue might be.

When Mom phoned Dad to tell him about HIS Cat’s issues, Dad laughed. He said You don’t mess with that Cat, Mom. I told you he knows his yoghurts.

And Mom said F.F.S. Dad, we should lend that Little Bastard to the Yoghurt Board. Make some money out of him. Make him buy his own bloody preferred yoghurt ... that sodding Cat has given me a headache ...mutter mutter mutter.

So what we have now is a happy Cat (because he got his PREFFERED yoghurt), a happy Moyo (because she got the ALL the Yoghurt) ... and a Mom who is suffering a More Grumpy Than Usual Morning.

So. And then? As if all that breakfast Screaming wasn’t Quite Enough? Cat has been particularly annoying for the rest of this day.

First of all, like I told you, he got called ForFuck’sSakeJones at breakfast time because he screamed about yoghurt. And Mom had asked him not to get his fluffy little knickers in a knot, she was doing her best. But Cat wasn’t happy with her best even though Mom was having to take pains not to stomp JoJo who can be seriously dumb in the kitchen. Sometimes JoJo goes like a woer-woer between Mom’s legs because he steps into them as Mom is walking and then he gets all stuck there. He’s Not Terrifically Clever, is our JoJo. Sweet, but Terrifically Dumb!

So when he gets all stuck in Mom’s legs, he gets called other names, too. This morning Mom called him ForTheLoveofGodJoJo because he got stepped on and then he was also screeching.

Then, just to make sure Mom got Really Mad, after Cat had maybe 3 and a half licks of the yoghurt he had screamed for, (which also made Mom call him names,) Cat got Maggoty-Brain and killed as many carpets as he could.

He also killed Mom’s slippers, the back of the sofa and one curtain. Mom was not best pleased.

After that? When Mom was trying to get some socks out of her drawer? Because her feet are cold? Cat got in the drawer. And then he killed some socks and a purple bra. After that he stood on the edge of the drawer and waited until Mom opened another drawer to get a jersey. Then he got in that drawer. And sat on Mom’s jerseys. And then he just looked at her.

That made Mom Spit Snakes. And swear words. And then she had to go out the room and leave the drawer open because Cat wouldn’t get out. Which meant more Snakes and more swear words. All the way down the passage and to the kitchen to make her lunch.

Also just as Mom was about to sit on the sofa after lunch to read her book? Cat said Hey, Moyo? And I said Yup?

He said Watch this, Moyo and then he showed me how to Make Sure Mom Never Gets To Read In Peace. He sat at the window to the Catio. He looked at Mom. And he SCREAMED. Mom said WTF, Jones? That window is OPEN! GO OUT!

He kept screaming. Although sometimes he stopped just long enough to Look At Mom. And BLINK. Eventually, Mom almost gave herself whiplash getting off the sofa. I know that Mom opened it maybe 0.3 Millimetres more because that’s what she said. She also said other things which will probably earn her an eternity in the hell for swearing. And then she opened that window for Cat anyway. And Cat went out.

He’s still out there and Mom is Sofa-Snoring.

And I hope the little Sofa-snore Mom is having will calm her down a bit... because she is so going to need her energy when she sees what Cat has done to all the clothes from her drawer.

#catsarearseholes

P.S.1: Pics will follow once we have a better wi-fi connection. This one is slow enough to make a monkey bite its grandmother.

P.S.2: Soonsoon, Mom will pull finger and tell you all about me, Moyo as Moyo, Camp Dog. That's what we have been up to until now after me, Moyo Farm Dog.