Moyo&Cecil...and the Epic Road Trip
So. The Noahbago. This needs Some Explaining.
When we all got to Canada, Mom and Dad, having given it all a Huge Think, decided to use a goodly portion of their Final Amounts Of Cash to buy a Motorhome.
Stuff at home, in South Africa (some of which made it Possible for me, Moyo, to Become a Famous First Ever in South Africa Emotional Support Animal...(and if you read some of my Older Posts you will Understand WHY I, Moyo, became A Famous First Ever S.A.E.S.A.) all meant that we were left with Not Much At All.
Which, said Mom, was not as Truly Terrible as it sounds cos we Have One Another. That means Mom, Dad, JesusJones, JoJo... and Me. The Famous ESA Moyo. And that, said Mom , added to the Love of Her Other Kids and the Grandkids, was a Most Awesome Amount Of Pretty Valuable Stuff.
So, anyway. Mom and Dad went on a Motorhome Mission, filled with the Excitement of All the Possibilities of The Open Road, Etc., but Most Especially because if they got a Motorhome they would have a HOME. Which meant a Home for JesusJones and JoJo... and me, Moyo.
A Gypsy Life, said Mom, is a Grand and Most Wonderful Life, Moyo. And, Moyo, she said, this way no matter where we go we will always have our home.
It’s a bit like being a tortoise, said Mom. Or even a Snail. They carry their homes...but the difference for us, Moyo, is our home will carry us!
So Mom and Dad looked at Motorhomes. They needed one to suit.
It’s my Sodding Back, Moyo, said Mom. I can’t be climbing up and down from a bed like some limber yogafantatic and most especially not at night when my aging bladder demands... nay, when it shrieks for attention. I’ll fall off such an Upstairs Bed and break a sodding hip, she said. This Back, Moyo? It’s such a bollocky pain in the arse, really.
I gave her My Most Patient Look. She said her back is a bollocky pain in the arse...? I didn’t feel I should be giving her a Lesson in Anatomy though because she was On A Roll and when Mom is On A Roll she is Most Majorly Dramatic and lessons in Anatomy might just make her swear. And also? If Mom wants to confuse her back with her butt... and not to even start with mentioning certain other Bits included in her rant...? Well, I love her enough to just let her.
Anyway. What happened was they found the Perfect Winnebago Motorhome. Only it was never meant to be a 37 foot one. But it is. And it has a Big Bed. And a kitchen. And a BOG! They were thrilled!
And because it has All of Us in it? JesusJones and JoJo and Mom and Dad and some Tiny Tomato Plants and me, Moyo? It has been dubbed the Noahbago.
Now, said Mom. Now we can be Trailer Trash with Style. And she promptly got on with some decorating. Because, Moyo, she said, I miss my Beautiful Blue House so VERY TERRIBLY MUCH I am so happy to have a Space To Do Stuff With At Last. I’ve felt like a Slug, Moyo she said ... but a slug is only a snail without a shell and so now I’ve a shell and it’s mine and yours and Dad’s and Jesusjones’ and JoJo’s and it’s just Wonderful!
Mom made Cushions and Purple Curtains. She threw Bright Belize Throws on the sofa and the chair and then Dad and One of Their Kids helped Mom stick up some pictures and Mom planted some Tomato Seeds and hung Flower Lights in the kitchen window and put a carpet on the floor. (Mom brought 3 small boxes of her home here to Canada and they were filled with things bright and beautiful and she had The Most Delicious Time finding a Space for These Pretty Things.)
Dad? Dad made a Catio. He made a Thing that clamps onto the outside of the passenger window and he made shelves in it. It’s for JesusJones and JoJo. It’s so they can go Out in The Sun and The Wind and See The Sky. He made a Secret Poo Place for them, too. And he made it so that I can’t get my head in there. Which I’d like to do because Cat Poo is Delicious.
Mom says WTF, Moyo when I try to eat poo. And because my name is Moyo and NOT WTFMOYO I usually ignore her. Dad just walks away making Sounds like he might Vomit. So, because it makes HIM want to vomit and because it makes Mom swear like a sailor, Dad made it so I can’t eat poo. Which is all a Bit Unreasonable, really.
Especially when I see a Cat’s Big Fat Head poking out of the Teeny, Tiny Hole That Dad made and I Just KNOW what they have been up to in there...
Mom has the job of giving those cats their chillpills... because they are Not At All Sure they LIKE being in the Noahbago. And every time she does it she says I swear, Moyo. These little fuckers had best hurry up and get their Nasty Little Heads into this Whole Gypsy Thang! It’s like The Taj Mahal Of Broomstick Travel if these Little Sods could just Decide to get in Touch with Their WitchGypsy roots. Look at my hands, Moyo! They are shredded by Bastard Cats! as she makes another grab for Forfuck’ssakeHoudiniJones to shove a tablet down his throat.
But no matter what she calls them I know she loves them. Because she keeps on doing it so they can Feel Better About Our New Gypsy Snail House.
And I know she loves me, Moyo, because she takes me EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. No matter what. Or where. My name means ❤️... and that’s what I am for my Mom.
